I am sitting looking at a completely dilapidated garden, one I used to work hard at in springs gone by, pruning the grape vines, pulling up the chick weed and the sticky strangulating bind weeds. Oh where to start???? I am looking and with the sun warming my face I am thanking God I am back home, my little piece of heaven, my love, my kushta my dom. This house is God given, meant to be mine (I thought ours), meant to be, No view here but solitude, privacy when I want, a secret garden with my girls. I am very blessed to be here whatever state it is in it is my garden of Eden.
I feel my love of Bulgaria again, it is a wonder, a blessing indeed to hear all the sounds of the countryside, know the people with their unharnessed friendship and support, stumble upon the wildlife. I know Bulgaria is not for everyone but I do wish those who don't like her would move to another country. It's not right to just live here because it is cheap, she should be loved and she will love you back.
The cleaning up is coming along, almost there. I am banking on it being 99% done by Monday with then just finishing touches like re painting, cleaning of chimneys etc the normal spring cleaning processes that a smoke damaged neglected winters will do to a place. I was upset to see the bedroom also needs re painting walls & ceiling but this can wait, as I love that room, it is so cosy. The downstairs is more important as the fire had leaked soot all over the Oak dining table, damaging it forever, I would hazard a guess that this means the chimney needs attention before winter comes again.
I am fortunate to have paint for the downstairs so this will be my project once the garden is under some kind of control.
It is a bit difficult to do gardening with collapsed grape vines, lumps of metal and wire inter tangled with overgrown weeds and rose thorn grown out of control, it is a mess and I need help and a great big bonfire!
I don't mind the work as it is a labour of love, I just wish it wasn't necessary.
I have had amazing answer to prayer meaning I have some little income for small jobs and my immediate future is OK, I think. Not sure about having to pay two lots of electric bills but we will see what happens.
I had a very lovely emotional event at the end of last week with the birth of a granddaughter. What a beauty she is with a shock of black hair. Absolutely gorgeous!!!! Then a horrid fall into being an emotional wreck for a few days due to my situation, some of which I best not make public due to saving for the courts.
Having a "next stage" again I think. Horrid but I am at least recognising what they are, and it will be another layer of the sadness cleansed.
Good friends are vital when this happens as they pull me out of what could be a spiral. So due to that I am feeling stronger again today as I don't have to face this all on my own! Last thing I want to do, last thing I want to cope with but unfortunately I have no other recourse to get my life sorted. Love, whatever happened to that????
Ending on a high note
I love walking around my village on sunny days with my Sophie. She wanders by my side or a little in front, exploring who has been before. She is my loyal devoted protector but I never feel threatened or worried about living here alone. I find Bulgaria to be safe, much safer than UK. I have lived in 3 villages other than this with no dogs, just me on my own and never felt worried.
Things are getting easier and my head is becoming freer.