Living on Thin Air, Well 70 Stotinky = 25p

I think I can safety say this is going to be the most challenging part of my life, by far!

I had to gain entry to my house which is shared with my husband, due to him not allowing me access or a key for two years.
I still had my personal belongings there, along with some household items. It seemed that asking over and over and even arranging to collect a furniture item, fitting in with his timing, was not possible. After arranging a horse, cart and muscle he was not there.
After this I then found out he was not living there at all, he is living with his girlfriend, he just came to the house 2 nights a week to feed the 3 dogs, which were left out in all weathers. I knew then I needed to act
I tried to ask questions about the dogs etc but my emails would be ignored.  So I eventually had to take the bull by the horns and get into the property.  I checked it out with the Solicitor and yes I was within the law to do this.

What I found was just astonishing! Filth, rat infestation, damage, broken toilets, broken sinks, burst pipes, rubbish piled up, just astonishing and too much to list!  The dogs were starved not just of food but of socialisation and affection, Minishka hyperventilated when she saw I was going, so so so sad!

So I have taken over the house again and have found good homes for Minishka & Lidle as I felt I could not cope with feeding 6 dogs.
My punishment for (restricting his access, OMG really!!!!) is to stop my money and leave me with nothing and no way to feed the dogs, all 6 of them.
I am not completely destitute just yet as I have enough food for me for a week or so and some liver for the dogs for a few days. So my faith in God is that something will come along, as I know he is involved in my life.  I may lose the electric, and even be cut off from all communication but I have good friends who care about me so I am not completely alone.
Unfortunately my family are not in a position to help me and why should they, I am 56 years old and should not have to rely on family, mum or kids at my age!!!!!

Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing, but could I have ever seen this person inside the wonderful man I fell head over heels in love with? I don't think so! I put him on a pedestal as someone all men should aspire to be as did my mum, my family loved him and were so proud of who his was. I am still devastated but it is like layers now, like shedding skin,.I will have a bad week really cry and feel completely ripped apart, then I will be OK again, see him for who he is now, then another bad time but maybe just a day or two. So it goes on.
In my heart my husband has died and I am grieving losing him, I don't know this man that has taken his place.

I know there are people who know what I am feeling and have gone through it but others just can't understand. I loved my husband deep in my soul and trusted him completely, even when inside in my spirit I really knew he was having an affair, I guess I chose to ignored it, tried to pretend I was wrong, even though things were bad. The signs were classic, what an idiot love makes us!!!!

So I am in Bulgaria, in a little village high up in the hills no money, a bit of food, internet and phone for a month LOL  I have had offers from people to lend me money but I cannot accept as I have no idea if/when I can ever pay it back and to be honest once bitten twice shy!!!!
I will rely on God and see what happens, faith you know can move mountains!

Trying to stay positive. Good thing, that no one can take away, is summer is coming and it will soon be warm, I can sit in my garden and smile :-) I love living in Bulgaria, all I have to do now is sell this new house to live off the money while renovating the original house.

I have contacted a really great solicitor who is also a barrister so court it is, not what I wanted at all. Why is it when I have done nothing wrong and want to settle things amicably it is impossible? When does "Nothing is too good for my woman" become I will see her suffer and starve? I still just don/t understand. I suppose I will always love him, the man I loved, unless by the grace of God I meet my true soul mate (not holding my breath here, as I believed I had). Life can be so sad.

So the up side to life is, because there is always an upside if we look ;-)
The house I have been renovating is sort of finished, just some finishing and painting to do, I know I can't do this but I think if I price it and take this into account. Also rent to buy may make it sell quicker and give me a monthly income to live on, please God.
Lots of plans for business but again, no money means this may be on hold for a bit.
I can be and feel optimistic, as I am not sitting in the dark with no food, life, as I said, will be very interesting and very challenging.

Pups are almost 5 weeks old now and bloody beautiful. I will miss them when they go to their homes in a few weeks time.  I won't miss negotiating the wee wee that Lulu has missed, clearing it up or treading in it. They have a full mouth of teeth, run, jump, fight, play and love loads of cuddles, love them so much!
Lulu is a bit fed up now as they really have hurt her and her teats are so sore. She still feeds them a little a few times a day but they are on solid food now. I pour boiling water onto dried dog food and mash it down. I would post photos but the internet is having problems, not enough punch the last couple of days, soon I promise.

I would like to wish you all a happy Easter whether it has just gone or you like us are about to celebrate it this weekend. Never forget the true meaning even if your faith is different to mine it still represents love. Love one another, your neighbour, friends as well as your family, be they blood or chosen. Love you ex new or old and love yourself. If only we loved more, how much better would this world be to live in.

xxxxx

PS
Gizza job ;-)